Jun 10, 2012

From the Deep Sea (1)

As I wrote in this weblog, I've been suffering from depression for four years.

Sometimes I didn't feel well, but on the whole I've been recovering from the depression.

During the past year, basically I felt better than anytime since I suffered from the depression. I kept taking antidepressant and sleeping pills, but my colleagues probably thought that I had almost recovered. (Actually I myself almost thought so.)

Last October I was promoted to the chief of my section. This proved that my boss thought that I could carry out the duties of this position, and because I also thought so, I accepted this promotion.

Of course I had more work than before, and I actually worked harder. At the same time I dedicated myself to my hobbies, writing weblogs in Japanese, English, and Chinese and playing golf.

My boss seemed to recognize my hard work, so last April my section was merged with another section and became twice as big as before. I was much more motivated and worked harder. At that time I hoped that I could keep up.

But it was a mistake.

Since the begging of May, I felt full of weariness and sometime I couldn't go to work. (I couldn't write my weblog in Chinese or play golf well.) And then I had a series of disorders, insomnia, back pain, headaches, itching, sore throats, and so on. It was apparent that they were symptoms of the depression and that I had worked too much.

Now, I feel like I am going down into the deep sea. In the deep sea, it's cool and calm. I have to take a rest here.

And then I'll come up to the surface of the sea.


  1. I understand so well the feeling you wrote about. Many times in my life I've felt very much like that, (depression and panic attacks) I felt all my energies were spent trying to keep my inner world together, and there was so little left for the outer world. I was trapped inside and my body was sending painful signals. So I feel close to you and hope you'll rise to the surface soon and with new strength. It will be wonderful to feel the world on your skin again.
    I send you a hug,

  2. Thank you for your hug! Time will be a cure.