Nov 12, 2011

Don't Rely on My Will - What I've Gotten through Suffering from Depression (2) -

I wrote a journal about the lesson, which I got through my depression. Today, I'd like to write about that topic again.

Before I had suffered from depression, I thought that I had a weak will, whenever I gave up doing something, such as learning foreign languages.

Now, I think still that I have a weak will, but at the same time I think that it makes no sense to blame my own will for giving up something.

First of all, I have limited time and energy. The older I'm getting, the less my time left is also getting. The things that I gave up wouldn't be what I want to do with all my heart and soul. It isn't worth giving these things my precious time left.

And then only the things that I really want to do are worth keeping up and I should keep them up.

When I keep up something, I should not depend on my own will, because I have just a weak will. There are three ways to keep up something.

1. Making it routine
2. Enjoying it
3. Decreeing it

1. Making it routine
When my depression was worse, it was quite tough to go to the office. Before I left my house, there were a lot of things I had to do. I had to get out bed, wash my face and teeth, eat breakfast, drink coffee, choose my suits, shirt, tie, and shoes, change into clothes, shave, fix my hair and so on. I felt pain with doing each of these things. Sometimes I just gave up and went back to the bed.

I changed my mind and got everything I had to do in the morning into a routine. I closely defined things to do and their orders. Now I can automatically leave my house from the bed without thinking of anything. I don't need any will and it's just automatic.

In the office I get things into a routine as possible. Things I have to do are defined, when I arrive at the office. I automatically finish off trivial tasks and then think about the business deeply.

2. Enjoying it
It's difficult to keep up efforts, but it's easy to keep up enjoying something. Don't try to make an effort to keep up something, but think of how you can enjoy it SERIOUSLY. Enjoying isn't just meant making fun. You should enjoy something seriously.

Since the end of last year I have been keeping a regular journal in English on my weblog. I enjoy communicating with people around the world. So I seriously try to write interesting journals in order to make more people read my weblog. I'm not consciously studying English, but as a result I've learned English quite a lot. I'll keep journals in English for quite a while.

3. Decreeing it
If you want to diet, you should decree it to all over the world! And then you should write about all the things you eat and to drink on weblog or facebook every day. I declare that you WILL lose weight just by doing so.

My vanity is much stronger than my will, so I use my vanity to keep up something.

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