I've been suffering from depression for about four years. I've almost recovered from it now, but I'm still going to a psychiatrist and taking antidepressant and sleeping pills.
When I developed my depression, I worked quite hard as a project manager. I suddenly became not able to go to the office and took three month medical leave. And then the next year I took three month medical leave again and transferred to the division that I belong to now.
I lost a lot of things because of depression.
As I wrote, I almost recovered but it doesn't mean that I can work as hard as I used to. Basically I loved and still love to work as a project manager, but I will never do it again. Even now sometimes I get so tired that I can't do anything expect lie on the bed.
But at the same time I've gotten a lot of things from depression.
Before I suffered from depression, I didn't know myself well. Of course I don't perfectly understand myself now, but I know myself far more than before suffering from depression.
At that time I was too self-confident. I believed that I could have done anything if I seriously tried doing it. But in fact I couldn't do things well and I was always disappointed with what I had done.
Depression made me know that what I could do was so little. Sometimes I can't even get out of the bed. Lying on the bed is just all of what I can do. And now I accept myself as someone who can just lie on the bed. I think that it’s really important to accept.
After accepting myself I've been able to think of what others think of and feel. Before suffering from depression, I wasn't satisfied with others and myself. I always required too much to others and I didn't give them anything. Now I think about what I can give someone else first. I can get satisfied with what I gave them, even if it was so tiny. And I'm happy, even if I can't get anything back. Interestingly, I can get more when I give someone without expecting something back than I require something to others.
I may be able to do a job as a project manager better now than before because of suffering from depression, but my depression wouldn't allow me to do a job as a project manager.
We can't get anything without paying a painful price. But I could get things that are worth their price.
And life goes on.