Put Aside Logic. Do What Feels Right: My Impression of the Movie “Star Trek” directed by J. J. Abrams

First of all, I'm not a Trekky at all, but I'm interested in "Star Trek Into Darkness," because I heard that the director J. J. Abrams said that he wasn't a Trekky either, so he made it not for Trekkies but for people who hadn't seen Star Trek yet.

Prior to seeing “Star Trek into Darkness,” I saw the previous movie “Star Trek,” which was also directed by J. J. Abrams. It was interesting enough for me not to change my mind about seeing “Star Trek Into Darkness,” though I don’t know whether the Trekkies were satisfied with it.



Especially, I empathized with Mr. Spock.

People around me often say that I am very argumentative, and I myself agree with that. When I argue with someone, I try to be logical, and I don’t look emotional at all, like Mr. Spock.

Sometime, I feel that I am really not emotional at all, but I might be wrong. In fact I am so emotional that I suppress my emotion without intension. Of course, that is unhealthy.

In this movie, Mr. Spock encountered a deep tragedy, and he tried to keep being logical. But in the end, he lost control of his emotion, because his sadness was too deep to suppress it. He said, “I am emotionally compromised and no longer fit for command,” and gave up his duty.

I also did the same thing, so I understand Mr. Spock very well. Now I know how dangerous it is to suppress emotions.

In the end of this movie, Mr. Spock said, “Put aside logic. Do what feels right.” I understand that it is important to “put aside logic,” but I don’t fully understand “what feels right,” yet.

If I release my emotion, will I understand “what feels right”?

The Fact Is, I'm a Patient with Depression

Sometimes I listen to the Anderson Cooper's podcast, 360, on my way to the office. It's a little hard for me to  completely understand what he says, but I'm really interested in his program.

I heard the rumor that he was gay, so when I read the article, "The Fact Is, I'm Gay." I wasn't surprised, but I'm interested in the reason why he came out at this time.

I'd like to quote his message.

But I've wanted to retain some privacy for professional reasons. ... As long as a journalist shows fairness and honest in his or her work, their private life shouldn't matter. ... It's became clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something. ... The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn't be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.

I've suffered from depression for five years. For now the symptoms have abated, but I guess  I'll never make a full recovery. I have to live with depression.

I know that there are many people who have suffered from depression in my company. After I suffered from depression, I was transferred to the division that I belong to now. Most people here have some sort of problem, such as depression, autonomic imbalance, experiences of harassment, and so on.

Most of them don't "come out of the closet," because the fact that they have these problems makes them face obstacles in their career. There is discrimination and contempt for depression in my company. In fact, some people doubted that I actually suffered from depression, and my evaluation was downgraded because of it.

But I "came out of the closet." I don't hide the  fact that I'm a patient with depression. I want to show and prove that even we, people with depression, can achieve something. I'm really happy to give confidence to people with certain problems.

I became a chief of this division. I know that each of us have our limits, but I'm trying to achieve something as a team. I always think about what we can do and how we should do them thoroughly.

he fact is, I'm a person with depression, have been for five years have been, always will be, and I couldn't be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.

Thank you, Anderson.

I'd like to listen to your sad story, but could I l smile while I listen?

I often hear that it's not good to say "gambare (がんばれ)" to someone who is depressed. I can't translate the word "gambare" exactly into English, but it might be something like "Go for it!"

Speaking as someone who has suffered from depression, I myself don't mind people saying  "Go for it", because I understand that the person who is saying "Go for it" has good intentions. I also think, however, that they don't understand my own feelings.

When I feel bad, sometimes I can't even get out of bed. Nor can I think about the things that I have to do. At such times, if someone said to me,"Go for it!", I'd think "Sure, but how?"

I have enough experience now to accept myself who can't do anything but get into the bed when I feel bad, but before I used to feel guilty about my inability too to work before. The tiredness was painful, and at the same time the guiltiness was also painful.

After March 11 2011, many messages were sent to the victims of the earthquake. Most of them were "Go for it" messages. Of course many people would have been encouraged by the phrase "Go for it", so I don't deny it, but I imagine that there were many other people like me who don't know who to "Go for it."

When I hear the message "Go for it", I think of two things.

The people, who say "Go for it", might believe in their own good will, and their belief would make them blind to understand what the victims really feel.

And more the messages "Go for it" are very stereotypic. I've heard that many people saying stereotypic massages. I understand their "good will", but I can't touch their own feelings from their hearts.

Recently I've been listening a lot to  Gen Hoshino's song "The Song of Habits (くせのうた)" very much.



I like the phrase of the lyric of this song.

I'd like to listen to your bad story, but could I listen to it with smiling?

When I find the people who are in time of hardship, I, as an ordinary person, think what I can do for them. At first I try to understand what they are feeling  and the relationship between them and me.

In the end I think that the only thing to say to them is,"I'd like to listen to your bad story, but could I listen to it with smiling?"

I don't know about general depressed patients, but at least I myself would like it if someone were to listen to my bad story with smiling. I also think that some of the victims might think of same thing.

Don't Rely on My Will - What I've Gotten through Suffering from Depression (2) -

I wrote a journal about the lesson, which I got through my depression. Today, I'd like to write about that topic again.

Before I had suffered from depression, I thought that I had a weak will, whenever I gave up doing something, such as learning foreign languages.

Now, I think still that I have a weak will, but at the same time I think that it makes no sense to blame my own will for giving up something.

First of all, I have limited time and energy. The older I'm getting, the less my time left is also getting. The things that I gave up wouldn't be what I want to do with all my heart and soul. It isn't worth giving these things my precious time left.

And then only the things that I really want to do are worth keeping up and I should keep them up.

When I keep up something, I should not depend on my own will, because I have just a weak will. There are three ways to keep up something.

1. Making it routine
2. Enjoying it
3. Decreeing it

1. Making it routine
When my depression was worse, it was quite tough to go to the office. Before I left my house, there were a lot of things I had to do. I had to get out bed, wash my face and teeth, eat breakfast, drink coffee, choose my suits, shirt, tie, and shoes, change into clothes, shave, fix my hair and so on. I felt pain with doing each of these things. Sometimes I just gave up and went back to the bed.

I changed my mind and got everything I had to do in the morning into a routine. I closely defined things to do and their orders. Now I can automatically leave my house from the bed without thinking of anything. I don't need any will and it's just automatic.

In the office I get things into a routine as possible. Things I have to do are defined, when I arrive at the office. I automatically finish off trivial tasks and then think about the business deeply.

2. Enjoying it
It's difficult to keep up efforts, but it's easy to keep up enjoying something. Don't try to make an effort to keep up something, but think of how you can enjoy it SERIOUSLY. Enjoying isn't just meant making fun. You should enjoy something seriously.

Since the end of last year I have been keeping a regular journal in English on my weblog. I enjoy communicating with people around the world. So I seriously try to write interesting journals in order to make more people read my weblog. I'm not consciously studying English, but as a result I've learned English quite a lot. I'll keep journals in English for quite a while.

3. Decreeing it
If you want to diet, you should decree it to all over the world! And then you should write about all the things you eat and to drink on weblog or facebook every day. I declare that you WILL lose weight just by doing so.

My vanity is much stronger than my will, so I use my vanity to keep up something.

We can't Get Anything without Paying a Painful Price - What I've Gotten through Suffering from Depression -

I've been suffering from depression for about four years. I've almost recovered from it now, but I'm still going to a psychiatrist and taking antidepressant and sleeping pills.

When I developed my depression, I worked quite hard as a project manager. I suddenly became not able to go to the office and took three month medical leave. And then the next year I took three month medical leave again and transferred to the division that I belong to now.

I lost a lot of things because of depression.

As I wrote, I almost recovered but it doesn't mean that I can work as hard as I used to. Basically I loved and still love to work as a project manager, but I will never do it again. Even now sometimes I get so tired that I can't do anything expect lie on the bed.

But at the same time I've gotten a lot of things from depression.

Before I suffered from depression, I didn't know myself well. Of course I don't perfectly understand myself now, but I know myself far more than before suffering from depression.

At that time I was too self-confident. I believed that I could have done anything if I seriously tried doing it. But in fact I couldn't do things well and I was always disappointed with what I had done.

Depression made me know that what I could do was so little. Sometimes I can't even get out of the bed. Lying on the bed is just all of what I can do. And now I accept myself as someone who can just lie on the bed. I think that it’s really important to accept.

After accepting myself I've been able to think of what others think of and feel. Before suffering from depression, I wasn't satisfied with others and myself. I always required too much to others and I didn't give them anything. Now I think about what I can give someone else first. I can get satisfied with what I gave them, even if it was so tiny. And I'm happy, even if I can't get anything back. Interestingly, I can get more when I give someone without expecting something back than I require something to others.

I may be able to do a job as a project manager better now than before because of suffering from depression, but my depression wouldn't allow me to do a job as a project manager.

We can't get anything without paying a painful price. But I could get things that are worth their price.

And life goes on.

I love suffering from insomnia!

I've been suffering from insomnia for many years, so I take a sleeping pill before I go to bed. I can get to sleep with a sleeping pill, but I wake up very early in the morning, at four or five o’clock.

But insomnia isn't always bad.

I love the early morning hours. It's a completely silent time without anyone else around. I turn on my computer and write a journal on my weblogs. I enjoy this precious time by myself.

Last week I took a trip to New York and Washington D.C. I can control the time when I fall asleep. Whenever I don't take a sleeping pill, I can't get to sleep. If I take a sleeping pill, I can sleep. So I don't suffer from jet lag, because of my insomnia.

I always bring a small notebook and when I get an idea to write on my weblogs, I write it down as soon as possible. When I write one of the ideas as a journal, I cross it out. On my trip to the US my notebook was filled up with new ideas.

I have a lot of things that I want to write now, and these ideas have a best before date on writing.. But recently for some reason I'm sleepy in the morning and I can't wake up early in the morning. Is it jet lag? Anyway I don't have enough time to write new journals, because I sleep during my precious time.

Why am I sleepy? I love suffering from insomnia!

An Insomniac's Morning

Even since I have suffered from depression, I have not been able to sleep well. I take a sleeping pill before I go to bed, so I can fall asleep quickly. But I awake very early in the morning.

The minute I wake up in my bed, I try to go back to sleep again for a while, then I give up. I began to think about what I'll write on my weblog, or what I should do on business today. Then I get out of the bed without waking my wife up, and turn on my PC.

It's dark, silent, cold and I am alone. I love such mornings.

The insomniac's morning is busy. I check my e-mail, twitter, facebook, lang-8, some weblogs and newspaper sites.

I e-mail a list of what I should do today to myself. And I send some e-mail to friends of mine and make some comments on SNSs. Some of my friends overseas log onto the Internet when it is very early in the morning in Japan, and they immediately reply to my e-mails and comments.

After we exchange e-mails and comments, I begin to write a journal on my weblog. I already wrote it in my head when I was in bed turning over, and I just type it. (Of course I have to make corrections.)

I read newspapers. Recently I get angry over the news about the accidents of the nuclear plants.

I see a morning glow in the sky through the window over the PC, and my wife gets out of the bed. I make two pieces of toast, and she makes two cups of cappuccino. We eat crisp toast and drink hot cappuccino together with a warm talk.

I also love such a breakfast.

I get the energy to work today and leave home for the office.

This is an insomniac's morning.